I never thought about the being alive thing before. The two options available to my naive mind used to be alive or dead, simply that. And then, I grew up!. It is not that living these days in the desert made life worse, it's all these circumstances combined.
Before getting married life was full of school, more school, work, traffic, family, friends, plans, travel. I used to sleep for 3 or 4 hours a day and considered that a waste of time. Things changed, a lot, no more school, far family, few or less friends, and for god's sake no life traffic.
Usually I do well with the concept of being a stay at home mother is the greatest job and being responsible for lives and building humanity in these souls being the hardest job, but frankly there are no colleagues in there, No manager to report to, no life around the life we are talking about. It is so much like "living in the desert". It is completely untrue if I say I am unthankful for the gift I have, not for a second, but sometimes,it is nice if you feel alive, like you meet someone at the market that actually see you, and maybe go wild and say hi. It isn't this bad really, just most of the days are dull, quiet and empty.
Can I change this? Yes I can. Why not? Cause I have priorities, and unfortunately "me" is number 7 or 8 I guess. Sometimes, we have this thing that you don't want to change cause no matter how hard it is now, you can't imagine living your life without it or living it differently in the minimum shot. I have kids, that am not willing for any reason to let anybody else but me to raise them. Am so strict with this subject and aware of all the available options but so far, since I didn't clone me yet, nothing is satisfying enough. So I guess, till they both join school and I do a magical work in searching for a job, till then I will try to find a way where feeling alive can demonstrate itself without referring to the life I used to know. Trying hard to mentally survive living as a SAHM in Dubai.
I have heard your delima from so many stay at home moms and I wonder what I would do. I love children and they respond so well to me. Being single, I have fulfilled my need tocare for small children by volunteering in a day care center, p[ediadtrc ICU, child cancer floor and Sunday schools. I must say there are times when I'm glad that I never had to care for little ones 24/7. i can't imagine only having a 2 or 3 year old to talk to days on end, yet I regret never having breast fed a baby or conceived a child with a many I loved
ReplyDeleteMy life has been quite different from yours. You may read about it on my bog:
http://www.annie-facingchallenges.blogspot.com
Hello Annie, first I would like to thank you for your preview and comment.
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to watch your days running while your only company is a baby, a toddler or even a baby kid. But we can't deny the pleasure found in these days and in the accomplishments we do with those pure souls. I guess all SAHMs live on the idea that one day those babies will grow up and life would be easier and maybe more self centered. But till now, who knows.
As for you, I would love to thank you for the efforts you are doing with those kids, no one can imagine the pressure you would be living in. Wish you that you would have the opportunity one day to have your own child and enjoy those special beautiful hard moments. I will definitely be checking your blog and keeping track of your blogging as well
I was a stay at home mother for 12 years to four children. It has been the most rewarding thing. And now after three years at a part time job, I now sell on ebay and get to stay home with them again. Awesome. It's the hardest job there ever was and you're not alone. Many of us have felt that by staying at home it really wasn't a job, but it is a really tough job even though we don't get paid $$$ for it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jennifer for the support. Being a mother, dedicating not only your time but life to the little precious ones, is the hardest job. Our rewards is a lot of hugs, kisses and love. But it's those moments during the day that time hits you and you feel that time is running, life is moving and you are still changing a diaper or sitting down breastfeeding for an hour! I have two babies, it is hard and fun enough, can't imagine having more. God bless you for raising 4 kids! You have sacrificed much indeed.
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